Hair. For many, if not most, people this is an innocuous word; they have it, it’s there, they maintain it. For me, and other trans people, hair is the source of much anxiety and the root of serious dysmorphia: we have it where we do not want it and don’t have it where we do. This can significantly impact how we present to others, and, in turn, how we feel about ourselves. It can, in fact, be the source of a lot of pain. Since starting my transition four months ago, much of my time, effort, and resources have been dedicated to hair: removing it from my face, chest, arms, legs, feet, hands, and under arms; hiding the fact that I do not (and will never again) have it on the top of my head. Over the course of a few short months, I’ve already spent thousands of dollars on laser hair removal (LHR), which is both incredibly painful and demeaning. And it’s still not all gone, because LHR only works on hair with pigmentation; it doesn’t touch grey or white hair, of which at my age I have plenty. That’s going to mean switching to electrolysis, which is even more painful, time-consuming, and no doubt expensive. Don’t get me wrong, between the hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and LHR, I am definitely seeing results. It’s just not as fast or as pronounced as I would like. Below is a pic of me getting numbed for my first LHR treatment at Skin Works Medical Spa in Torrance, CA… all smiles until the zapping commenced!
Regarding my top-of-head hair, I was blessed with male-pattern baldness, which set in right around the year I turned 30, over 20 years ago. As a male, I dealt with this by regularly shaving my head completely, which I still do, and will likely continue to do for the rest of my life. And, while I think a shaved or bald head can be very beautiful on some women, I just don’t think it will work for me. So, I invest in wigs. Having started this whole process during the COVID-19 pandemic, getting out to an actual wig shop wasn’t initially an option, so I found a good website (wigs.com) and ordered on online. The one I chose, after much deliberation, was called “Flirt Alert” by Raquel Welch (wig #1). When it arrived, I put it on right away, and it looked okay. Just okay. I lived with it for a while and even got it cut, but it just wasn’t quite right. So, I went back online and ordered another.
The second one, called “Ignite” by Jon Rene, was cute, too, but again, not quite right (wig #2). Maybe it was the color… was the grey aging me? It was just so hard to tell just by looking online, so at this point we found a local shop that had limited hours and I went there to try on some wigs. I was really looking forward to this, but the shop we ended up at was horrible—the proprietor was distracted and at times rude and kept bring me wigs to try on that were absolutely, horribly wrong. He did, however, bring me one that had some potential (wig #3); it was a good color, I thought, and human hair, which felt good. Despite the price and less-than-accommodating service, I purchased the wig and brought it home. It still needed work, so I made an appointment with Jessie at Salon Benders, and she did a beautiful job cutting and shaping it for me. This is the wig I currently wear most frequently, but, in my estimation, still isn’t quite right. For one thing, I think it makes me look a lot like my older sister, who has a similar cut, and I really want to be my own woman. So, I went back online and decided to order another Flirt Alert but in a brunette shade (wig #4). This one also needed to be cut, so it was back to Jessie at Salon Benders.
Still fighting the battle of "hair!" It's a toss-up between that and "voice" for which is more vexing. I have the last session in the package of six I bought for laser hair removal in a couple of weeks, and while the results have been good, I still have awful hair on my face. It's mostly the course grey kind that no amount of laser treatment will ever remove, so I will soon have to resort to other means: waxing, Hair, electrolysis, all of the above? It's a battle I'm not willing to lose. And, it's not just my face, either... for other body parts (legs, under arms, etc., I have a good eating place down the street), and for my head (where I WANT hair but do not have it-- the ultimate irony), I'm learning to live with my new wig. It looks good, but is hard to manage and is not super comfortable. I'll get there, I know I will. I just have to exercise a little patience and humility... good life lessons here.
ReplyDeleteStill fighting the battle of "hair!" It's a toss-up between that and "voice" for which is more vexing. I have the last session in the package of six I bought for laser hair removal in a couple of weeks, and while the results have been good, I still have awful hair on my face. It's mostly the course grey kind that no amount of laser treatment will ever remove, so I will soon have to resort to other means: waxing, Hair, electrolysis, all of the above? It's a battle I'm not willing to lose. And, it's not just my face, either... for other body parts (legs, under arms, etc., I have a good eating place down the street), and for my head (where I WANT hair but do not have it-- the ultimate irony), I'm learning to live with my new wig. It looks good, but is hard to manage and is not super comfortable. I'll get there, I know I will. I just have to exercise a little patience and humility... good life lessons here.
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