Passing vs. Being

In a wonderful book I’m currently reading by Janet Mock, titled, “Redefining Realness,” the author chronicles her transition.  From her earliest childhood memories, through adolescence, to her current life post-transition, Mock shares her experiences in acute, poignant detail.  Though she grew up in a world that was in many ways very different from the one I inhabited, so much of her story resonates with me on a very deep level.  I have dog-eared many pages in the book so I can come back to them later and reflect on passages that speak to me, including one about “passing,” which is something I think a lot about.  She writes:

“To this day, I am told in subtle and obvious ways that I am not “real,” meaning that I am not, nor will I ever be, a cis woman; therefore, I am fake. These thoughts surrounding identity, gender, bodies, and how we view, judge, and objectify all women bring me to the subject of “passing,” a term based on an assumption that trans people are passing as something we are not.  It’s rooted in the idea that we are not really who we say we are, that we are holding a secret, that we are living false lives.”  She gives a few examples of “passing” from the mainstream media, then goes on to say, “This is no different for trans people who “pass” as their gender or, more accurately, are assumed to be cis or blend in as cis, as if that is the standard or norm.   This pervasive thinking frames trans people as illegitimate and unnatural.  If a trans woman who knows herself and operates in the world as a woman, is seen, perceived, treated, and viewed as a woman, isn’t she just being herself?  She isn’t passing; she is merely being."

I could not agree more with this sentiment, and certainly could not have articulated it so clearly, especially the last few lines.  Eric, who has become my de facto coach through this whole process, tells me that every once in a while, when I am not thinking too hard about things and just “being” myself, that I outwardly appear as just another woman (see my Inner Glow blog post).  It makes a huge philosophical difference for me to frame my thoughts around “being,” rather than “passing” as I move forward in my own journey towards “realness,” and I thank Janet Mock from the bottom of my heart for teaching me this most valuable lesson.