This post really should have come much sooner, as my journey to Madeline all started with (or was at least catalyzed by), of all things, a pair of shoes. To be clear, the possibility of transitioning has always been with me, but it always seemed so out of reach and I dutifully suppressed those feelings for many, many years. Since turning 50 and moving to CA last year, starting a new job, and basically starting over, though, I came to realize two things: (1) I do have the inner strength to accomplish difficult things; (2) life, as they say, is short, and I’m not getting any younger.
Fast-forward to early January of 2021; new year, new beginnings, a new me… On a random shopping trip one Saturday morning, Eric and I found ourselves at the Nordstrom Rack on Pacific Coast Highway in Long Beach, and somehow made our way to the shoes section. Women’s shoes! We browsed a bit, I found a pair I liked, and tried them on. The feeling that overcame me, almost instantaneously, was just indescribable; magical, like Cinderella with her glass slipper. Well, maybe that’s a bit cliché, but I like the imagery. Below is a pic of “the shoes.” A far cry from glass slippers, but I loved them and they felt amazing on my feet.
Glancing at the price-tag, however, burst my bubble: $150. While that’s not actually a bad price for shoes that I’m going to wear frequently, it seemed a bit steep “just-for-fun,” especially right after the holidays. I wasn’t going to purchase them, but Eric, ever my cheerleader, convinced me that I had to—insisted, really. So, we headed for the check-out, and left the store with the shoes and a few other great finds (who doesn’t love Nordstrom Rack?!). Secretly, I couldn’t wait to get home to put them on, and feel that feeling again, like a sigh of relief.
That winter I wore those shoes frequently at home. I found myself rushing home from work and slipping into them. Every time they brought me that beautiful, joyful feeling, and just reflecting on those days now as I write this makes me very happy. Shortly after bringing those shoes home is when I made my decision to transition. I remember it very clearly: it was a beautiful weekend afternoon in early February and I was sitting alone on our back patio sipping tea and just thinking. Now was the time to do this, and I was ready. If a simple pair of shoes could bring me such elation, what would going whole-hog feel like? I discussed it with Eric and the rest, as they say (yet another cliché, I know…), is history.
Of course, I realize that shoes are just shoes, but these shoes, the shoes, awakened in myself feelings that had been long dormant. They inspired me to take the first steps on this journey to Madeline. And how fitting is it, really, to have made those steps in really great shoes?
Thank you, Eric, for making me buy those shoes and for sticking by my side, lifting me up, and pulling me forward along the way. I love you.
Comments
Post a Comment