"Words are meaningless, and forgettable"

“Words are meaningless, and forgettable,” is a line from the Depeche Mode song “Enjoy the Silence,” that I just happened to be humming on my five-mile walk to the ocean and back this morning.  It was a beautiful morning and, on my way back, only about half a mile from home, I crossed the street and encountered an older man with a dog waiting to cross at the corner.  I looked him in the eye as I passed and said “good morning.”  The response I got in return was “I’m ashamed o’ ya.”  

I kept walking, as I’ve never been one for a quick retort to something negative or derogatory.  However, as the distance between us grew, I thought of several ways I might have replied, had I been quicker on my feet:

·      “Don’t worry about it, you’ll be dead and in hell soon anyway…”

·      “You’re ashamed of me?  You don’t even know me; If you did, you would be proud of me.”

·      Or, more to the point: “I really don’t give a fuck, you ignorant prick.”

Well, hindsight is 20:20, I guess, but in many ways I’m glad I said nothing, or that it wasn’t my first instinct to fight back… maybe it just means I’m a much better person than he, and his words are “meaningless, and forgettable,” as the song goes.  

Juliana, my therapist, if you are reading this, please rest assured that I will be putting this on my shelf (right up there with the boys at the beach, whom I wrote about in a previous post) and not giving it another thought until or unless I need to someday.  I am fortunate that this was the first real, negative reaction I have had since I began my transition almost five months ago, and it truly was “meaningless and unforgettable.”