Dear Friends,
First and foremost, I want to thank you all for supporting me on my journey and for walking alongside me on my path to me. I don’t think I could do it without you, or at the very least it wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable. But… there’s always a but, right? But I have to ask you to make more of an effort to stop mis-gendering me. I know you’re not doing it intentionally, and you would never purposely hurt me. But let me tell you just how much it does hurt me when I hear the wrong pronouns escape your lips. It seriously crushes a little bit of my soul every time I hear “he/him/his” in reference to me, especially coming from you. I would have never thought that a three-letter-pronoun would have had such a huge impact on my psyche… I’d never have thought I’d be so sensitive, but God does it sting when I hear the wrong pronouns escape your lips, especially in front of other people, or even roomfuls of other people, as the case may be.
I’m trying so hard to undo everything I was taught that I should be. I’m relearning how to walk and talk, and be. I know I’m not quite there yet, but I can assure you I’m trying my hardest, and making huge strides forward every day. I’m doing things I never thought I could do, and I don’t even know where the courage and strength are coming from, other than deep within my soul. I need every little ounce of what’s left of that resolve to carry on, so please, please, PLEASE see me for the woman I am and am trying so present to the world (finally!), and get my pronouns correct: SHE. HER. HERS.
I know you’re transitioning, too, learning to know and love Madeline, and let Matthew go. So I’m trying to be patient and understanding. But, maybe just knowing the extent to which it pains me when you get it wrong will help you move forward? Whatever it takes, I need you to do this for me, so please give it more of an effort.
Love,
Maddie
In the spirit celebrating achievements and milestones, I have several updates to report with regard to being appropriately-gendered, all of which occurred over the past couple of days (Labor Day weekend 2021):
ReplyDelete1. On Sunday morning, running errands, Eric and I found ourselves at a store we don't normally frequent, but had some things to pick up there, Big Lots. At the checkout counter, the young man who was ringing up our items was extremely pleasant to me, almost flirtatious... I was not wearing a wig or any makeup, just dressed for errands on a Sunday morning. He called me "miss" and "ma'am," and complimented me on how lovely I looked. Of course, I blushed and said "wow, thank you for saying that," and his response was something like "it's the truth ma'am, a fact, you wouldn't thank me for telling you the date or the weather, would you?" Actually, I probably would, but wow, what a lovely thing to happen. Made my day!
2. This morning (Monday) waiting in line to get into an urgent care facility (unfortunately I have conjunctivitis/pink eye), the nurse checking people in called me "miss" when it was my turn. Again, I wasn't wearing my wig, or any makeup, or even a bra... just an emergency trip to the urgent care. She was a little taken aback when I spoke (still need to work on the voice), but just being referred to with the appropriate pronouns is so incredibly huge for me, I didn't give it another thought. Made a bad situation so much better.
3. Also on Monday morning, after the trip to urgent care, Eric and I went out to breakfast, and again I was appropriate-gendered and referred to as miss. No wig. No makeup. Casual (but feminine) clothing... just me being me... So happy!