Tomorrow, October 19, 2021, will mark my eighth month on HRT, eight months into my transition. So much has happened since February 19, 2021, when I took my first doses of estrogen and spironolactone, and I have documented much of it—or at least the important milestones—in this blog over the last four months. Eight months is not a lot of time, at least in the grand scheme of things, but it’s just one month shy of the time it takes to create a fully-formed human, from conception to birth. If I include the weeks between when I made the decision to pursue transitioning and the appointment with Dr. Castillo that made it all official, it’s just about nine months. Again, so much has happened in that time, and I am truly a different person than I was in January and the fifty-plus years leading up to January 2021.
As when an infant is born after nine months’ gestation, however, now perhaps marks just the beginning of the rest of my life. There is still one very important (at least for me, personally) step ahead in my physical transformation, and that is what is commonly referred to in transgender circles as “bottom surgery.” Bottom surgery includes an orchiectomy (removal of the testicles) and a vaginoplasty, which is the creation of a vagina from the penis and scrotum tissue. Often these procedures are conducted in one session of surgery, but the orchiectomy can be done months ahead of the vaginoplasty, as well.
In my most recent visit to my PCP, Dr. Castillo, which was on Thursday October 14, 2021, I discussed with him my desire to move forward with the surgeries, and he gave me the names and contact information of two surgeons in LA to contact. I did a little research on them both on Friday night, and decided to email the one who seemed to have more experience (Dr. Maurice Garcia at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in LA.:
“Hello, my name is Madeline (Maddie) Dintzner and I’m a 51-year-old transgender woman living in Long Beach, CA. My PCP, Dr. Odrin Castillo at Memorial Health Long Beach, recommended you as a surgeon who might be able to work with me as I move forward with my transition. I have been on HRT (estradiol, spironolactone, and progesterone) for over eight months now, and have also been working weekly with an amazing therapist. I am completely “out” in both my personal and professional life (I’m an Associate Dean and Professor in the Chapman University School of Pharmacy), I have legally changed my name and gender, and have been living full-time as my authentic self for three months. I would like to move forward with bottom surgery within the next 4-6 months and would love to discuss options with you, if you’re willing and able to consider my case. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.”
This morning I received his reply, which was both encouraging and discouraging:
“Dear Dr. Dintzner—It is very nice to e-meet you. I would be very happy to meet formally to discuss all of the options that you have available to you. Caitlin manages my practice, and can help get you on the schedule. I have a bit of a waitlist, so completing the surgery in 4-6 months will likely not be feasible. That said, we will review permanent hair removal and where you need it—that usually takes several months to begin with. In the interim, I offer women bilateral orchiectomy in the meantime, while they prepare for the vaginoplasty. We can discuss.”
Dr. Garcia’s email was encouraging in that it represents another step forward in the process. I like that he responded personally, and I like that he was honest. However, I was hoping there wouldn’t be too much of a wait-list (and there may not be, we will see…), and that we could get everything done in one session—this was the discouraging part. I am not a patient person, and I’ve had a timeline and goals in place since I started the process earlier in the year. Just about everything has gone according to my plan and the universe has been very kind to me. For these last big steps, I am going to have to let the universe continue to guide me and accept that things will happen as they’re meant to, even if that means adjusting my expectations and exercising a bit of patience and grace. This is a very big step, and it shouldn’t be rushed. If the universe’s plan is a series of smaller steps, so be it.
In the meantime, I’m looking forward to the holiday season and my first Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years as my authentic self. It’s mid-October and fall is very much in the air. The pandemic may still put some limitations on Halloween festivities again this year, but we at least got some decorations out (see: “Traditions and Rituals” post) and I’m looking forward to the office pumpkin-carving contest. Life is good, and I’m just living it.
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