Time marches on and so does life. Lately I’ve struggled with what to write about here. I started this blog as a way to express my feelings and reflect on my experiences as I navigated through my transition, and it’s been a truly wonderful outlet in that capacity for the past eight months or so. In many ways, though, I feel like I’ve reached a sort of equilibrium, which is a good thing but leaves me with less to reflect on. Right now, I feel like I’m just living my life, which is good, but in some ways, I also feel like I’ve found (or created) a safe little bubble to confine myself within: work, commute, home, repeat… with therapy, doctor appointments, nail salon, shopping, and dinners out with Eric mixed in here and there. Long Beach is very safe, for the most part, and I love that, but I wonder what’s going to happen when I’m forced to step out of the little comfort-zone I’ve got here… what if I have to travel? That scares the shit out of me, so I guess I’ve still got a lot of work to do on myself and getting comfortable navigating unknown, strange, and potentially unsafe territories. All in good time, I hope. It’s been a challenging year and I’ve come a long, long way already. I’ll get there, I am sure.
One thing that I know will help, though I also know it’s not an endpoint by any means, is gender confirmation surgery… bottom surgery. That will definitely be a huge step toward self-comfort and confidence. So will getting rid of all of my remaining facial hair. I honestly cannot stand it and as soon as late afternoon rolls in and it starts showing I get anxious and incredibly self-conscious. As for the surgery, I’ve got everything submitted to Dr. Ng’s office that she requested and am just waiting for it to be scheduled. And regarding the hair, I’ve got a package of six laser sessions lined up (five left after my January treatment), so hopefully I’ll be a little further along with that by summer. If not, I will resort to the dreaded and extremely painful waxing. So, yes, time marches on and so does life. And so does my progress… every day a step closer to me.
Every once in a while, I need to hear a positive word, an encouraging observation from someone other than Eric (not that I don’t rely heavily on his support every single day; I do!), to know that I’m headed in the right direction. Yesterday at work I got such a validation when one of my coworkers complimented me on my makeup. She asked if I’d been doing anything different with it lately, because it looked really, really good, “very natural and luminous,” were her exact words. Well, I’m proud to say that I am finally doing my own makeup (having relieved Eric of this duty) for the past couple of months and I’m getting pretty decent at it, I guess. I have a system down that only takes me about 10 minutes in the morning, so it’s totally doable. It was just nice to hear that it/I looked good, and I really appreciated the compliment… in fact, it totally made my day.
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