This morning Eric and I went down to the Superior Court of California, South District—Governor George Deukmejian Long Beach Courthouse, as scheduled, and picked up the official and approved record of my name- and gender-change. I am now legally Madeline Dintzner, Female. It is official, and now I can move forward with updating all my legal documents: Driver’s License, Social Security account, all financial records, and all my work-related documentation (benefits, insurance, email, etc.). I suppose I will mark this date, September 10th as my “re-birthday.”
I consider myself very fortunate to live in a state where the process is relatively easy, once you figure out which forms you need, and that both name- and gender-changes can be made simultaneously with one form. This is a big milestone and I’m proud of myself for having navigated it so smoothly. Of course, I couldn’t have done it without Eric by my side and the support of all of my friends and colleagues inside and outside of work. In the end, it was very uneventful—we just showed up in the right place at the right time, checked in, and picked up the paperwork. We were in and out in 20 minutes, pausing just for a moment to mark the occasion with the pic below.
There is still a lot to do and, in many ways, we are all always growing and changing, so there’s really no end or stopping point to the journey. But, as I discussed with Juliana this week in therapy, it will be very nice to get to a point where I’m just “being,” living my life and not thinking all the time about presenting or carrying myself in any certain way. Every once in a while, it happens now, when I let my guard down, relax, and stop thinking about things so much. I am optimistic that in time it will just be my norm. But just for now, just for today, I am celebrating this very big step in my journey.
Tonight, we have to go to a formal event at work (the Annual White Coat Ceremony for our new crop of PharmD students). I’ve been anxious about it for weeks and was especially antsy last night in bed. But I’ve got this. I can do it. And I will relax and enjoy myself, with Eric by my side, confident that I am officially, legally Madeline/Female. No one can take that away from me now, and it’s up to me and only me to let my inner glow shine outwardly—or, to not give away my power to anyone else (see my earlier post, “Power”).
I got this.
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